Keikhlasan Ibu

Parenting edisi Hari Ibu, Desember 2010

Sampai saat ini, satu tahun berlalu dari saya tulis, air mata masih menetes setiap kali membaca tulisan ini.

Saya pernah menjadi seorang anak. Dan kini menjadi seorang ibu. Saya bisa memahami perasaan anak, sekaligus perasaan ibu.  Ketika saya menjadi anak, saya sangat mengagumi ibu, sangat berterimakasih atas perjuangannya dan ingin memberikan balasan budi baiknya. Di sisin lain, sebagai seorang ibu, saya selalu bertanya apakah anak saya bahagia dengan pola asuh yang kami terapkan selama ini ? Apakah saya tidak memaksakan kehendak, walaupun demi kebaikannya juga. Saya merasa, sebagai ibu tidak berkorban apa-apa, karena semua saya lakukan dengan bahagia.

Keikhlasan ibu

Pagi itu, kunyalakan TV untuk melihat berita. Rutinitas pagi yang kulakukan sambil sarapan bersama Cinta, putriku yang berumur 4 tahun. Sebelumnya Cinta telah puas menonton kartun pagi kesukaannya, jadi tidak terjadi perebutan chanel TV.

Sesaat kemudian kuraih remote mengganti chanel karena sedang break untuk iklan. Sekilas tadi terlihat iklan sebuah produk minyak yang mengklaim sebening kasih ibu. Hmm..berlebihan nggak sih? Tapi namanya juga iklan. Tak apalah jika sedikit berlebihan. Memang pantas kalau sosok ibu melambangkan segala kebaikan, dari beningnya minyak goreng sampai murninya susu sapi kemasan. Bahkan salah satu partai politik dengan musik latar berupa lagu tentang kasih seorang ibu.

Di chanel berikutnya, ada infotaiment, seorang artis sedang menceritakan dengan mata berbinar bagaimana masa kecilnya yang indah dilalui bersama sang mama. Meskipun seorang single parent, tetapi sang mama dapat membesarkan anak-anaknya hingga menjadi artis.

Baru kusadari, hari itu adalah tanggal 22 Desember 2009. Aku hanya mengingat hari ini hari senin, harus mengantar putriku Cinta lebih pagi ke daycare nya, sekaligus agar saya bisa sampai tepat waktu di kantor. Hari senin biasanya jalanan lebih macet dari biasa. Dalam perjalanan, masih sedikit menyesali kenapa aku melupakan hari ini. Mestinya aku bangun dan siap lebih pagi agar tak buru-buru dan melupakan satu ritual tahunan yang menurutku penting. Aku lupa belum menelepon Ibuku.

Biasanya aku berusaha menjadi orang pertama yang menelepon di pagi hari, memulai obrolan dengan menanyakan kabar atau masakan apa hari ini di rumah Ibu, baru kemudian kuucapkan selamat hari ibu pada akhir pembicaraan. Seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya, Ibu akan mengucapkan terimakasih kembali atas ucapan selamatku itu. Padahal aku menelepon justru untuk mengucapkan terimakasih pada beliau. Tapi itulah Ibu, tak pernah lupa berterimakasih padaku sekecil apapun pemberianku, sementara apa yang telah beliau berikan padaku selama ini sangat banyak, begitu berharga dan tak berbalas.

Segera kucatat dalam agenda ponselku, bahwa aku akan menelpon Ibu nanti malam. Terlambat tak apalah, daripada tidak sama sekali dan menyesal.

Putriku sendiri belum mengerti betul yang dimaksud hari ibu. Tepatnya tanggal berapa juga belum tahu. Dia hanya tau ketika aku mengantarnya ke daycare tadi pagi, gurunya meminta Cinta mengucapkan selamat hari ibu padaku. “Cinta maunya mengucapkan selamat hari mama” protesnya pada sang guru karena memang dia memanggilku Mama. Kami pun tertawa mendengarnya.

Mungkin Cinta heran mengapa hari ini menjadi istimewa? Hampir setiap hari Cinta mempersembahkan karyanya untukku. Setiap hari juga Cinta memeluk dan menciumku, setiap kesempatan kami bersama. Setiap hari juga Cinta menyanyi lagu “I Love You” yang menjadi themesong film Barney kesukaannya. Lantas kenapa juga hari ini begitu istimewa? Bagi Cinta, hari mama adalah setiap hari bisa bersama mama.

Pagi itu juga, puluhan ucapan Hari Ibu datang dari teman-temanku melalui email, facebook maupun twitter. “Selamat hari Ibu, jeng..semoga semakin pinter merawat anak dan suami”…”Dimasakin apa hari ini sama suami? Selamat hari ibu ya..”…dan kalimat-kalimat serupa. Sebuah ucapan yang aku sendiri belum mengucapkannya pada ibuku hari ini. Ya, hari ini memang sosok ibu begitu diistimewakan.

Hari ini juga, berbagai media cetak yang terbit hari itu membahas betapa seorang wanita mengorbankan waktu dan tenaganya dalam melakukan multiperan sebagai ibu-istri dan wanita karier. Disebutkan juga cerita beberapa artis yang bisa mengorbankan kariernya demi membesarkan anak mereka. Mendadak aku teringat salah satu pesan di wall facebook untukku hari ini dari l sahabatku yang kebetulan masih lajang “Terimakasih ya Rien.. kamu dan mama-mama lainnya adalah pahlawan pembangunan bangsa karena pengorbanannya sangat besar dalam mendidik anak-anak bangsa. Ingin sekali aku segera merasakan kebanggaan menjadi mama”

Tapi…kok mendadak aku merasa ada yang aneh dengan kalimat –kalimat tadi. Rasanya ucapan yang kuterima kok berlebihan dari apa yang telah kulakukan. Masa sih aku sudah sedemikian berjasa dan berkorban? Sudah sebanyak itukah yang kulakukan? Satu kata yang terasa janggal adalah “berkorban” Telah berkorban apakah aku?

 

Sambil merenungi, mencoba memahami kebenaran kalimat itu. tidak Tahukah mereka apa yang sesungguhnya kurasakan selama 4 tahun menjadi mama. Bahwa waktu yang kuhabiskan dengan anakku karena memang aku menginginkan kebersamaan itu. Bahwa tenaga yang kukeluarkan untuk bermain dengannya karena aku menyukainya. Bahwa tarikan tangannya minta dibuatkan susu malam hari saat terlelap telah membuatku terasa berharga dan dibutuhkan. Dan mengajaknya tertawa dalah niatku untuk menghilangkan semula lelah dalam hari itu. Segala pikiran yang kucurahkan untuk mendidik anakku adalah berawal dari harapanku agar kelak mereka menjadi pribadi yang bisa menjalankan kehidupan sebaik-baiknya.

Tahukah mereka? Bahwa didalam perjalananku menjadi mama sebenarnya terdapat ketidaknyamanan yang dirasakan putriku, ketidaksabaranku menghadapi pertanyaannya yang cerdas, memaksakan kehendak untuk mengikuti pilihan-pilihanku, membebaninya dengan harapan dan cita-cita tinggi, memamerkan kemampuan anak sementara anakku malu dan tidak menyukainya…dan hampir disetiap apa yang kulakukan untuk anakku adalah cerminan keinginanku agar kelak menjadi pribadi unggul.

Ohh Tuhan..apakah keinginan-keinginanku itu dapat membuatnya bahagia? Bukan kali pertama aku hatiku berkecamuk, berada antara niat baik dan rasa bersalah. Bila kelak Cinta mengerti, aku ingin meminta maaf untuk itu.. Mama akan mencari jalan terbaik Nak, agar dalam proses mendidik dan membesarkanmu tidak terlalu banyak menyakiti perasaanmu.

Dan pantaskah aku disebut berkorban sementara aku tidak merasa lelah, atau rugi ? Aku memang memperjuangkan kebaikan putriku, tapi aku tidak merasa ada bagian diriku yang kukorbankan, karena aku bahagia dan ikhlas menjadi mama.

Ini adalah perasaan pribadiku, setelah merasa jengah menerima begitu banyaknya kalimat bermakna agung itu. Tapi disudut hati yang lain, tak dapat kubendung keinginanku untuk segera mengucapakan terimakasih pada ibu.

 

Akhirnya, menjelang makan siang kuangkat HP dan menelepon Ibu. Rupanya ibu juga lupa kalau hari itu adalah hari istimewanya, jika saja kakakku tidak mengunjunginya tadi pagi. Setelah sekitar 10 menit berbicara, kuucapkan apa yang ingin kusampaikan dari pagi tadi “Ibu, terimakasih atas perjuangan ibu…selamat hari ibu” Cuma itu yang bisa kukatakan. Hilang rangkaian kalimat panjang yang telah kurencanakan karena menahan haru di dada.

 

Dan dengan nada bergetar dan lirih, kudengar ibu mengatakan “Terimakasih, Nduk“ Oh..ibuu…kuusap setetes air diujung mataku

Tak sabar kumenunggu sore hari saat untuk menjemput Cinta. Aku ingin segera mengatakan padanya “Terimakasih sayang, atas kehadiranmu untukku” sambil memeluknya erat.

 


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